Saturday, November 17, 2012

Conflicts in marriage are a given, use them to strengthen your relationship

I remember a conversation I had with a teen several years ago; this young person’s bitter voice still rings in my ears to this day.  This is what he said:

“If only my parents have gone to this church, they would not have separated.”

He said so because the church where my family worships in (and where the teen attended youth) is known for its great advocacy for the family, particularly our parenting seminars and marriage retreats.

My wife and I have attended several of these retreats (our most recent undertaking was so successful it had to be done 3 times, selling out each time), and one of the lessons that always sticks out is that conflicts in marriage are a given, but if managed properly, they can actually strengthen marriage and family life.

You got that right.  Conflicts can be a marriage strengthener.

It doesn't mean that you have to be an angry wife or an angry husband all the time, but when conflicts arise, and often (as the audio/video below humorously puts it) they come when you least expect it, the conflict is managed correctly and you have a stronger relationship as a result.

The audio/video file I’m talking about would explain it way better than I can.  It’s a Focus On The Family broadcast with a great marriage counseling couple, Dr. Greg Smalley and his wife Erin.  They talk about a really funny conflict early in their marriage and conflict resolution principles that they have imbibed (and now teach to married couples everywhere).  Dr. Smalley has authored many books, but the one in particular that’s covered in this broadcast is Fight Your Way To A Better Marriage.

(See part 2 of the video here)

The marriage retreats in our church use very much the same principles (and we will again have these awesome events in 2013) but the book will, of course, do a much more through job and it makes a great gift to give to your married friends this holiday season.

So, don’t forget, husbands and wives, conflicts in marriage are a given, use them to strengthen your relationship.  Here are more books by the author, which you can enjoy either book form or kindle:

Here are some other marriage books you might like:
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  1. if couple put God in the center of their marriage the relationship is strong and the family is happy.

  2. 2 strangers livin together under one roof will have all the conflicts, may it be a petty one or a big one....havin the church guide your marriage is a great help :)

  3. Very interesting audio, very helpful to me who easily gets flared up compared to my husband. hehe good thing my husband is the cools type of a guys where he is just calm and knows how to calm me down through being gentle. in marriage, it is important to apologize and forgive as pride tends to get in the way between couples.

  4. In most cases though like ours (my parents are separated), conflicts are conflicts and the longer they(parents) stay together, they worse their fighting become. There are conflicts that couldn't be helped.

    1. Again, it depends how they're handled. Sin and selfishness can cloud judgement, but if we truly understand the Biblical view of love, conflicts can be resolved and love be unconditional.

  5. Conflict in marriage is really present and if God is at the center of the relationship, those conflicts can become a tool in strengthening the relationship.

  6. I so agree.Well, Even if there are cases that those church goers or under God's people separated but so rare and special reasons but if its just the normal conflicts and situation trials then with God couples will get better and better every trials they survived:)

    Keep God the centre of the relationship

  7. Great post. I am also a believer of resolving conflicts in marriage will make up for a better relationship.

  8. In any kind of relationship or friendship, conflict does help strengthen the bond. It tests how both parties work things out to patch things up. When you resolve conflicts, you practise putting yourself in the other's shoes. I wish I knew these way back when I was married. LOL. That would've made a whole lot of difference.

  9. I agree with Pepper, Trials and Conflicts test how strong the partnership you had and how you are going to handle things up. You can also consult a marriage counselor to seek an advice on how to develop a healthier relationship.


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