Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Do you want to discipline children without shouting? Teach them one-command obedience

Many households with children are very loud.  Parents often have to shout to get their point across to their disobedient kids.  Sometimes, some math is accompanied with the shouting (“Little Johnny, go brush your teeth!  NOW!!  One!  Two!!  Three!!!...”)

Do you want to discipline your children without shouting?  Teach them one-command obedience.  What’s that, you ask?  Read on.

Below is a humorous, yet powerful parenting illustration featuring the speaker Peter Tan-Chi and two volunteers from the crowd.  It was part of the 3rd lesson of the Parenting That Makes a Difference study series, titled HOW TO EFFECTIVELY DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN.  My young couples group took up this study series last Friday, and so here’s a part of what we saw/learned:

That’s pretty amazing, isn’t it?  I hope my wife and I can fully apply this…as well as all the other stuff we learned in the study.  Actually, it’s starting to happen, which is awesome.

Now, some of you may be against spanking…and for good reason, too, because it can easily lead to abuse.  However, just because it can easily be abused doesn’t mean it’s bad.  In fact, I feel that good parenting is impossible without the proper application of spanking.  The Bible has this to say:

Proverbs 13:24 – He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.

Proverbs 22:15 – Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

So, what is the proper application of spanking, then?  My far superior short answer will be: take up the Parenting That Makes A Difference study guide with us and hear it from Peter Tan Chi, himself.

My long answer would be me listing down some of the things we learned from the study when it comes to spanking.  Here they are:

•    EXPLAIN to your children why they are being spanked.  It would be terribly unfair to the child if he is spanked for an offense that he has no idea he committed.  Clear rules have to be established before you earn the right to spank your child.

•    Don’t ever spank in ANGER.  It is SELFISH. This is where the abuse can come in, spanking out of anger.  Discipline is out of love for your child, for his own good.  It is not a means to vent your anger.

•    Don’t use your HANDS.  Use a belt or switch.  As what Peter Tan-Chi said, hands are for loving and hugging; use them only as such. 

•    Don’t INJURE your child, but make it HURT.  Spanking to the point of injury is abuse.  But don’t also do a wimpy little slap on the wrist and expect the child to learn his lesson.

•    Don’t spank in PUBLIC.   Do it in private.  Discipline is again out of love for the child.  Spanking in public will embarrass him, which brings emotional injury.

•    Don’t spank UNCONTROLLABLY.  Do it in love.  Probably the most whacks Peter’s kids got out of a single spanking session are two or three.  Rarely was it more than one.  Spanking uncontrollably is another sign that this is not out of love, but out of selfishness and rage.

•    HUG them after you spank them.   Tell them that you LOVE them. Reinforce it in them that this discipline is out of love, not out of anger.  My boy told a relative that I spank him “so that I will remember.”  After I spank my kids in the method above, we often walk out of the spanking room as good friends, walking hand in hand.

Next session is our second to the last one, which is SOME BASIC PRINCIPLES TO TEACH OUR CHILDREN.  Based on the basic outline given in the material, children need to learn principles about:

1.    Themselves
2.    Their Family
3.    Their Friends
4.    Their World
5.    God

Exactly what that would be…well, you’d have to join us to find out.

Anyway, I hope you learned something about how to discipline your children without shouting.  It’s very difficult to do, but if you take the time to do so, the benefits in your children’s lives will be great.  Your children will learn how to respect authority.  You’ll save yourself from frustration and sore throats.

Do you want to know how his kids turned out?  You can see an example of his 2nd child, Joy here in this post (scroll down a bit and you'll see a video featuring her); and this one is a post I did featuring his son, Paul (scroll down again, and you'll hear a podcast featuring the young man).  Not too bad, Peter Tan Chi, not too bad at all...and thank you for sharing with us what God has done through you in the area of parenting.

Comments, of course, are welcome.

Recommended reading:

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for your blog. This topic is always a difficult one - we struggle to get our kids to be obedient although we demand it everyday. An ongoing struggle. We also have a son with autism so spanking becomes a no-no due to him imitating incorrectly. But I see you point and discipline is necessary.
    hi everyone - my blog contains a number of entries from the perspective of Christian parenting. Pls allow me to share it with you. Here is one such entry.


Share this to friends!